Although I'm not about to commit to writing posts that conform to one topic, my slogan of 2010 (thanks to group therapy at the Awakening Center) is "less should, more want." Before break, we discussed the confines, parameters and implications of the following words:should
want
need
deserve
Should was a cinder block. Cumbersome. Want felt completely foreign, shameful. A wistful vapor. Need, on the other hand, is completely entitled. Needs are scarce and therefore to be heard when voiced. And deserve? Well, I think I have deserve all wrong. In my head it goes, "After a hard day, I deserve to eat a pizza." That's right, a whole pizza. Not just a slice. I don't "deserve" this; not in the slightest.
And so yes, we should have gone to Kalamazoo for Christmas. I should have gone to Costco on Saturday. I should read more novels and call more friends.
But I'm finding that, if I clear out the shoulds, the "forbidden" wants bubble to the surface. And the wants is what makes me joyful and inspired. I'm encouraged that my New Year is not kicked off my resolutions, though I think most of us have grown out of that ideal. Rather a philosophy. I think of it as a mental check to make throughout the day. I had to go to work today, non-negotiable, but what do I want to do now?
Well, I want to write more. Writing keeps me alive and engaged. Connected to the want. And so it goes. . .
Embrace the want.
I love that you are blogging! Totally hear you on the whole "should" thing. Though for me it falls into two categories... the things that I should do that I actually want to do because it will make me happier and more complete in the long run- like I should work out and write to my Grandma, I just put them off out of laziness. And then there are things that I feel like I should do because society tells me that I need to do them to be an intelligent and complete person- like following politics. I absolutely hate it but feel like I should do it.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I guess those first two things I mentioned fall into the "want" category then. Sometimes the want and should categories get blurred.
It's a weird pull between the id and the ego (or is it superego, shouldn't I know this?). Either way, clearing out some of the muck leaves room to uncover what you want. (e.g. I want to be healthy and strong, but that means I have to work out. . . so I should work out.)
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading Niks!
I have thought a lot about "less is more" lately. I heard or read somewhere, "less words, more meaning." While these words are applied to writing, I find the idea intriguing that choosing less (whether it's words, objects, or activities) may appreciate the value of what one has selected to remain.
ReplyDeleteI am ready to let go of some things because I know it will give room for what has more meaning in my life. "Less" isn't about depletion, instead less provides room for spiritual abundance.
I have a new awareness and it's is nice to be awake to these feelings.
So I think I am spending less time doing what isn't gratifying. The evidence is in how much gratitude I feel in being able to spend time doing what has more meaning, even if it requires more effort on my part.
Well said, Ms. Heidi. All truth and agree 100 percent. To 2010!
ReplyDelete