Riding the CTA provides endless snapshots of perseverance. The man whose cuffs are threadbare, but he's still in a suit. The woman who got up, provided she slept, to take a train downtown and work minimum wage. You can remain numb to these things, blissfully unaware, for only so long and from only so far away. But I'm at the epicenter of white collar and dire. It's a strange precipice.
And I'm standing on it myself.
So many cliches come to mind in these circumstances. "I never thought it would happen to me." "At least we have each other." "No matter what, someone always has it worse." It's true. I feel humble, and somewhat at the mercy of the world. Not hopeless, but hopeful of what the conditions we are now in (one meager income) will provide in terms of opportunity.
I am not caught up in the struggle; the anxiety. I don't know how this could have been different. I am marveling at the spirit I seem to have that I didn't know was present. I feel connected to others and mostly my husband, who has emerged as a feeling and struggling individual with dreams that may just be realized.
"You just have to suck it up and make it through."
"You're going to get through this. Just a big grieving period ahead of you."
I know that many are thinking, "Phew, I'm glad that's not me." I might be overthinking, but that's how it feels. You become self-conscious when you become unemployed; become poor.
But the gentleman with frayed cuffs and a fedora is on a whole other level than me; than you. He knows the pain of poverty for sure, but you sense a richness rising off of him. That he must be someone special to be up and moving with the rest of us even with hurdles aplenty.
I am listening now.
Wow, Emily. I don't know what to say, and I refuse to be guilty of a cliche! But having been on the other side of this situation four years ago (almost exactly), I can say that as a couple -- a family -- we are in a much better place. And to think, on the other side of that uncertainty and stress was a smiling You and so many other great people that Andrew has had the privilege to work with. That first week, Andrew sat on the couch with the drapes closed sleeping and watching movies all day. Make sure you do that before you overcome your own hurdles that surely -- without a doubt -- you will.
ReplyDeleteI, without a doubt, know that frantic feeling that exists somewhere between the pit of your stomach and the base of your spine.
ReplyDeleteThe safety of comfortable places call us and we surf the couch or the web, or sleep hoping to awaken to a better situation, and that's what our body (and psyche) truly needs. Comfort. So seek it out in family and friends. We're here for y'all.
You may feel that you've "become poor", but remember that your spirit and smile are some of the richest I've ever seen. Believe it.
Girlfriend, we've been there. You know of our struggles over the past year and a half. It's a strange place to be in, really. At first, it was all about my husband going through the rocky job market and I was the one with the "for sure" job. It all changed last January, right after new years. Next thing you know, not only was my hubs on unemployment for a year by that point, but I was also joining the ranks.
ReplyDeleteThat first month was hard. Funny thing happens though. Doors open, or windows for some. Taking that chance that you had been contemplating for a long time all of a sudden becomes a possibility. We all have our hurdles, and sometimes wish for an easy way out. Luckily, you two are both very enterprising individuals and I know that you'll be stronger because of it. Shoot, we definitely have. We're still climbing out of this hole, however, we are happier than when we were in our other careers. It was "time" to move on, if you will.
I know you understand how all of that works. You're amazing, and so is your husband. You two are going to get through this and come out stronger. Yes, that can be a cliche for a bit, but it will turn out to be the truth. Be angry, wallow a bit if you need to, but know that nothing stays the same and change is always on the horizon:)Keep smiling lovely, and know that you have friends and family that are here for you both...
Chris
Thank you so much for writing such wonderful comments. Brought a smile to my face!
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